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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in amberraehale's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006
12:33 pm
The Awakening~and you don't even have to drown to achieve it!
When is someone awakened, awakened in the sense that they have fallen away from the fog that had once encased them, and found themselves in a state of enlightenment.
What is enlightenment?
Is it when a person finds that they are no longer scared of their own voice, that they are fully capable of having unique ideas that are of worth?
What is Worth for that matter?
What gives something meaning?

If it means something to you, then it has value.
If you feel it, it does exist.
If you decide you want something, then nothing should hold you back.
Once you decide to wake up, you are awakened.
Congratulations, you win.
Sunday, January 29th, 2006
11:19 am
1. How tall are you barefoot?

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
Nope, I've seen to many examples to ever do any of that.

3. Do you own a gun?
Nope, but I've got knives :)

4. What was the last DVD you watched?
Oceans 11, though I didn't see much of it ^~

5. Would you ever "do" someone in their parents bed?
Firstly: I've never "done" it,
Secondly: I maybe a little kinky, but I will not cross the line to creepy

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
b.)cute lil' dogs, very close to the ground

7. What's your favourite Christmas song?
I like those plaintive, soul retching ones-it equilizes all the merriment spewing every which way

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Orange Juice mixed with Mountain Dew

9. Do you do push-ups?
no, for all of you who do: have fun with that

10. Have you ever done ecstasy?
no and never

11. Are you vegan?
It was freshman year, never again. I have seen the error of my overtly trendy ways. Why would anyone want to restrict their diet in that sort of way(the exception being a medical condition). I mean we're cutting out an entire food group, and a pretty significant one at that!

12. Do you like painkillers?
Only when I'm seriously f@#^ed up-think car accident

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
I have a secret weapon? Oh wait, my butt. Oh how I love my butt. But that's more for my own enjoyment.

14. Do you own a knife?
Is the sky purple?

15. Do you have A.D.D.?
Nope, I'm actually pretty focused...except when I'm trying to tell a story. I'll be talking about...let's say a dog...two minutes later I'll be talking about the evils of Republicans or some such thing.

16. Do you love the pain a tattoo brings?
It's pretty safe to say I'll never get a tat. I can just see myself 90 years old with a fairy on my butt.

17. Top 3 thoughts at this exact moment:
1.) I really do like him ^^
2.) I am so lucky
3.) I wonder how this next semester goes.

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought:
1.) The Awakening~Kate Chopin
2.) Much Ado About Nothing~Shakespeare
3.) A really crazy cool bookmark

19. Name five drinks you regularly drink:
1.) tea
2.) diet pepsie
3.) Orange Juice
4.) Milk
5.) Orange smoothies

20. What time did you wake up today?

21. Current hair?
smooth and straight(it will be curly again very soon)

22. Current worry?
None really, the universe will take care of me. All things straighten themselves out in the end.

23. Current hate?
Even though I'm sometimes guilty of this too-I really don't like it when people try to make themselves come off as overly intellectual. If you're a smart cookie, it should be enough that you know you are. You don't need to go around making corrections like your an editor for a political magazine. Also, it shows that you are lacking something-whether it be grades, self-esteem, or talent. Either way, it's pathetic and though you maybe able to impress simpler minded people-you just wind up bemusing the rest of us. Have fun with your ego-that's all you'll have for company.
Also "hate" is an ugly word~I perfer "dislike".

24. Favourite place to be?
My future apartment, that and by any lake or body of water

25. Least favorite place to be?
Garrison ND

26. Where would you like to go?
Anywhere, but I'd like to see Seattle Washington

27. What do you wear when you go to sleep?
black satin PJ's: the comfiest things EVER(sexy too)

28. What do you think you'll be doing in 10 years?
Hopefully I'll be a mom. I don't really care about marriage, but I love kids: I may adopt. Also, I'd love to have a GREAT career. I love to act but I'm realistic-I may go into nursing.

29. Do you burn or tan?
...burn...and freckle.

30. Last thing you ate?
Chocolate milk

31. Would you be a pirate?

32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink?
New Years Eve

33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Phantom of the Opera-I am obsessed

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
This HUGE fuzzy black monster that would creep out of the shadows. When I'd go to bed, I had to have the ceiling light on AND I don't remember closing my eyes. I was one very nervous kid.

35. What's in your pockets right now?
Yeah, you know those PJ's? They don't have pockets.

36. The last thing that made you laugh?
Drawn Together

37. Best bed sheets you had as a child?
Beauty and the Beast baby! P-I-M-P!

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
Getting my back sliced open by a rusty barb wire fence. They are not good things to army crawl under.

39. What are your dreams like?
Very weird-last night I was on a dating show for giants.

41. Who is your loudest friend?
alyssa, hands down

42. Who is your most silent friend?

43. Does someone have a crush on you?

44. Do you wish on stars?
I admire them every Saturday, but I look more towards the moon. When I look up at the sky and can't find the moon, I consider that an unsettling omen...of badness...and...and...STUFF!

45. What is your favourite book?
Good question. I have yet to read a book that I don't like. Wait...Romances are pretty damn bad...but those can be funny too.

46. What is your favorite candy?
anything chocolate and fudge filled-send them my way!

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
Something funny-I'd want my wedding to be a happy time, fun for all, not stuffy. How about Demon Lemon-Ultimate Showdown...oh heck yes.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Again, I'd like it to be a happy time. Not depressing. How about...nah, I don't know. But now I'll be thinking about it. Thanks guys.

49. What were you doing at 12AM last night?
Good question

50. What would you do for a Klondike Bar?
I'd eat it.
Saturday, January 28th, 2006
2:23 pm
These past few weeks have been interesting in a blurish, fast-moving, where am I, sort of way.
Finals are finished. For that I am incredibly happy and grateful.
Next semester will bring on Film Studies with Adrick and Brian: I do foresee awesome times ahead. It'll be just like acting class minus Johnson, but with added equipment. Let's see how long it takes for me to break the camera. I give myself two weeks. Heck, I'm feeling optimistic-let's say three.
I will also have Intro to Law, which is hilarious considering the fact that I've walked away from Mocktrail in favor of grades.
I still have an interest in law and politics, though I'll probably never do anything about the two. Knowledge maybe power, but hey-just because you have a long slong doesn't mean you have to go into porn. Thank you for that one Kumar.
Underworld Evolution was not as good as the first, but it still had a hot chick decked out in a leather body suit-all is good in the world. Also the company was fantastic.
I am completely content. Content in a "cat that got the cream" sort of way.
The school year is half over. For all of us seniors, it's only a matter of time before we are all cut loose from the embryonic sac that is highschool and are thrust into the real world. Personally I can't wait. This is surprising coming from a girl who once had it all planned out, but who is now clueless.
Will I go into nursing like most of the women in my family? It is what I know after all.
Will I try my hand at community theater and break into that elusive world? Dinner Theater...if I'm lucky.
Will I pursue Psychology, even though I'd have to have a doctorate if I ever even hoped to land some work. That's 14 years of school folks.
Will I, will I, will I.
Will I stay here in the Cities, or move back west like I've been dreaming of ever since I was forcibly removed.
I don't need to answer these questions right now, but I figure it's good to think about them. Truthfully, I am a little scared. I feel disjointed, discombobulated, and disorganized. But I'll be fine.
That's the moral of the story folks: I'll be fine.
I'm going to eat a bagel now.
Tuesday, January 24th, 2006
9:29 pm
When a woman who has much to say, says nothing~

the silence can be deafening.
Friday, January 20th, 2006
4:26 pm
Um...I got bored.
Hello, this is your voice of reason speaking. You have been making some poor decisions lately. Firstly, you are writing this while the teacher is speaking. Put down your pencil, and do listen to what she has to say. You’re writing again. This is a form of escapism. Stop it. Your teacher is making some rather good points. Might I add that the paper she is explaining is due tomorrow. You have been sitting on your hands. That, as you can imagine, is bad. But my job is not to be redundant. Mine isn’t even to open your eyes, so much as it is to just…give you a wee bit of a nudge. A push. You are going to make a leap today. Right now infact. You bite your fingers when you are nervous, you know that right? Of course you do-now stop. You are going to begin making good choices. You are going to start doing all the right things. Stop fidgeting; you do not need to go to the bathroom. You used to be creative. You used to have good ideas. I am an example of this imagination. Why, I bet you could even turn this into a one-act. That is, if you aren’t clinically insane. You are writing to yourself after all. But even if you are insane-use it. Stop biting.
Back to business, now where were we? Ah, yes. How I’m going to help you help me(for I am you). I am your director, and you are going to begin acting the part of the good girl. When you first arrive home, you will begin cleaning your room. You will vacuum. You will change the litter boxes. You will like it. Your surroundings dictate how uncluttered your mind is. That is the next task. Unclutter your mind. Begin anew. Focus on the problem and eliminate it. Starting now, you will own up to everything you say and do. Start making your environment your own. Think happy. Be happy to do this. BE HAPPY. You are alive. That’s good. Stay that way. No matter what, no matter how far you sink, you can still rise. You can succeed. You will.
Starting now you are going to succeed. I don’t know how I can be more repetitive. Succeed, succeed, succeed, Succeed, succeed, succeed, Succeed, succeed, succeed, Succeed, succeed, succeed. Everything from this point on you will succeed. I’ll be tracking your development from the back of your consciousness. Maybe I’ll even be guiding you, but you are capable of doing that yourself. You can do this. You will. You’ll be fine. Trust me. I am you. Trust yourself. Now pat yourself on the back-go on. No, it’s not silly at all. I said do it. Good! Back to business. Concentrate. That is your next step. Root out the things that matter and stare them down. Absorb them like a sponge and let the fungus of wisdom grow within your musty, moldy, core. Wonderful metaphor no? I think so too. See how fun conversations with yourself can be? So helpful.
Ah, so I see that you are home now. Don’t you have a date to get ready for? Your excited, don’t deny it. Yes you are. It’s perfectly normal to get excited. In fact it’s perfectly normal to type to yourself too I bet. Don’t compare yourself to others. Just do what feels right to you. If this feels right, this typing to yourself, keep right on doing it. I’m certainly not going anywhere. Now go have fun you crazy blond.

By the way, Radiohead is pretty damn cool don’t you think?

Current Mood: weird-in a good way
Wednesday, January 4th, 2006
9:47 pm
Thank you
Thank you for beautiful moments,
chicken McNuggets,
answers to open ended questions,
and all the fish.

Especially the fish.
Sunday, January 1st, 2006
6:51 pm
Sweet! Tie!
You scored as Theater. You should be a Theater major! Like a bohemian actress, you are seasoned and confident and not afraid to express yourself!






























What is your Perfect Major?
created with QuizFarm.com
Thursday, December 29th, 2005
1:35 am
I'm pretty happy where I am right now. The present is a good place to be.
You know? I'm actually pretty happy.
And I'm home.

Now on to what I need to work on: I need to concentrate.
I need to stop...breath...relax...and then make a concise plan of action on how I'm going to tackle my issues and responsibilities.

When it comes to Mocktrail: I want us all to dominate the competition-we will hand their asses to them and go to STATE...bitch. This means I will play my part and give 110% of myself over to the case. I will study it to the point of insanity.
When it comes to the one-act: Will make it to any and all practices that come up, and I have found suitable wear for jock girl/prep.
When it comes to school: I will quite daydreaming and come back down to earth...no more writing in class about things that do not pertain to class. However that will be difficult...and probably won't be done. Screw it. I'll just pay more attention, or learn to multitask.

Yup, this woman has got a plan.
The present is a good place to be for me.
Sunday, December 25th, 2005
8:54 pm
Merry Christmas!
Well, I've eaten myself into a food coma. I am stuffed on good food, that was 1/3 prepared by me.
This makes me proud.
I have found that I make a rather delicious cheesecake.
Mom and I cleaned everyone out during pinnacle.
My uncle John is getting a bit "weirder" every holiday.
That means he needs to quite commenting on how I'm "gonna make some man mighty happy one day".
No John, I don't need help washing the dishes.
Please stop looking at my ass.
And while you're at it get some new teeth.
The dog doesn't like you for a reason.
Don't even think of touching my cat.

But other then that, this Christmas was pretty decent. I (mostly)saw family that I actually wanted to see, ate good food, played good games, and had a pretty good time over all.
That, and no one died(knock on wood).
Merry Christmas everyone!

On a unrelated note: Damn me for wanting what I can't have. I'll never have it. I need to stop dreaming.
But then what's life without dreams? Without chances?
I'll never take that chance. I'll never take that plunge. I don't deserve to. I haven't earned that right.
I need to stop knocking on doors. I need to let myself in. I need to quite arguing with myself.
I'm holding myself back. How do I resolve this train of thought?
Quite thinking about it.
There, problem resolved.
Friday, December 23rd, 2005
2:24 pm
You know something? Humanity isn't all that bad. Then again the fact that I've been trapped in Garrison ND, with no company but my grandmother, maybe what brought on my sudden liking of it.

Because I miss it.

I miss having more then 3 fuzzy channels(really 2 because who counts PBS anyway?).
I miss having wireless internet.
I miss traffic.
I miss big buildings(the true sign of civilization).
But being so close to nature has it's good points. It's brought on a deeper understanding of myself(because once you've read all the books you brought with you what else is there to do but annalyze one's self).
I have learned that embroidering is a riveting past-time.
Looking longingly out of a window ain't all that bad.
You can actually find amusement in watching snow fall.
You can make fun little dolls out of strands of your own human hair.
Rocking back and forth is excellent exercise.
It sure is quite here.
Monday, December 12th, 2005
10:16 pm
Click here.
Take the quiz.
Post your results.
See amberraehale's results.Collapse )
Tuesday, December 6th, 2005
8:05 pm
"Would loosing my erection be a de-crescendo?"-Adrik
Today was interesting (thanks to Johnson) as Adrik and I were forced to lock lips.
It was friggin' hilarious. There we were, with two dozen sets of eyes on us. Johnson even counted off beats, as our lips touched.
"Amber, I want to feel your tension...good, good, now let's have a transition...great! Now put your hand on his neck..."
....so yeah...that was fun.
Not only that, but to add to hilarity of the whole ordeal, we went over it three times...again in the front of the entire class room.
And I completely lost my focus...I love Adrik, but he's my bro. I'd take a bullet for him, but damn! I can't kiss my guy friends. I can't even imagine it. Adrik, don't get me wrong...you're a very attractive specimen, and I know guys loathe it when girls use the term "brother"...but DAMN!
Oh yeah...and Mr. Kapaun witnessed it too. Great, let's add to my intense embarrassment shall we? Oh wait! Let's bring out grandma too while we're at it.
Any other Joe Shmoe and I would have been fine. I pride myself on my focus and ability to stay in character...I need to work on this. I will be fine. And I love this script. I just need to remember that I'm Mary Freestone, and he's Tom Longbottom.
Sunday, December 4th, 2005
10:20 am
Last night was decent, and far more interesting then the last Saturday. Things are shaping up. And to be socially acceptable, it appears one must know at least 5 card games. What the fuck is wrong with Pinnacle. All the cool kids play it...if your over 50. The kitty was on my lap when I woke up, therefore I equate that with being loved.
I'm going to sleep now.
And just to remind myself, my next post will be on Perspective. I want to do Perspective justice...so I'm going to back away from my keyboard...and take that nap I promised myself.
Wednesday, November 30th, 2005
10:21 pm
~Fuck and Fin~/there's a reason I don't call myself a poet
I just want to sleep. Sleep and never wake up.
And no, this isn't one of those "should we take action?" posts. I'm fine. Just really tired. Tired of situations. Tired of everything really, and not to thrilled about the things to come.
I've lost my "get up and go". I haven't even studied for the AP Psychology exam...and for once, I really don't care.
I need to pull myself together...but again that's where the "and never wake up" comes in. I'm just not enthused. Life. That's life isn't it? Blundering through...my attitude is to blame. If I had a better attitude, things would be better. One can choose whether or not they will wear the rose tinted sunglasses...I've just miss placed mine...and then accidentally sat on them.

How I would love to sleep
Fall into wistful dreams
And never discern what it is to weep
But that's all I know or so it seems
My poems are bad, but I am tired
How do sonnets go anyway?
My beat is off, so am I fired?
I am not looking forward to that new day.
But wake I shall, for that is my routine
And I will stumble through the decay
And so I shall stay
And so I shall stay
Waiting for what will come my way
On that new day

~Fuck and Fin bitches
Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
7:46 pm
Nothing of significance here folks, just me being happy and such
I've just gotten my hair cut.
And damn do I feel giddy.
And a little mischivous...;).
Hmmmm, I wonder what I'm going to do about it?

Note: Eel sushi is good, REALLY good. I have found a new favorite. It's right above pineapple pizza, and trust me...Pineapple pizza is hard to beat.
That and Sunkist.
Damn good day.
And for once in a long time, I feel pretty.
Oh, hell I feel hot!
Now it's time to study. Then sleep. As sleep is good.
And you know what? I like being blond...I just may go lighter...
Sunday, November 27th, 2005
6:54 pm
I'm not feeling well...so mom is putting me to work
Which is how is should be...as I am missing school...again. And we must get the apartment ready for the onslaught of what is known as "Grandma". I love Grandma, but that woman strikes the Fear into me. She was raised by nuns, and therefore she believes things should be done right. And when I say "right" I mean her way or no way.
Wait...grandma was raised by nuns...I was raised by her...and now all my insecurities make sense.
But I really do love that woman...she just finds new ways of frightening me. Which I respect and admire.
And now...I sleep?

Oh, and I dyed my hair.
It turned out nothing like I thought it would...and better then I imagined. So all is good.
After Cat's play though...I'm thinking of dying it black.

Also, I think it should be mentioned that Pat Morita, more famously known as "Mr. Miyagi" died recently at the age of 73.
9:56 am
The Wall
Well last night was certainly interesting.
Interesting in the way that one can just sit back and marvel at the wonder of it all.
The kitty was my companion in sanity.
Thank God for the kitty.

I will not do drugs. That's where I cross the line. I will never do drugs. I won't hate on people who do them, or look down on them...I just will not apart of their festivities...no wait, I did watch The Wall. And it was funny, given the situation. I am told that it is even better stoned. I will never know. As I need to maintain what braincells I do have.

And now I finally sleep.

For anyone in AP Psychology: Do we have a test on Mod.5-6? Fink and I aren't sure. I'm guessing that's be a good thing to know.
Friday, November 25th, 2005
12:22 pm
It's Snowing
Yup, hate to state the obvious...but it's snowing! How fabulous is that? I mean it's not just a few dainty flakes that'll melt away into nothingness...no, we're talking big, fat, hardy, fluffy clumps of the white stuff. Makes me want to kidnap a kid so that I'll have an excuse to go out there and play in it.
No, but I really love the snow. It makes up for the cold. Natures way of saying "sorry" for butt raping us with the winter chill.
If I wasn't so cozy...I really would be out there.
Thursday, November 24th, 2005
7:57 pm
Who needs turkey when you have shrimp?
My Thanksgiving has been interesting. Interesting in the fact that it was devoid of anything remotely interesting. Just mom and I chilling, and eating shrimp that we picked up at Target. Which is just the way I like it.
No boys,
no girls,
no drama,
no questions,
no fears,
just mom and I. Nothing else. She is a wise woman. We had a good talk. I'm lucky in that retrospect. I may not have a large family, or a big house, but I've got a great mother. A mother who seems to know all the answers. I'm happy and proud to be her daughter.

So now I should go on about what I'm thankful about right? As this is a Thanksgiving post and all.
I am thankful for the fact, that no matter what drama we are going through right now, each day is a new day.
It's all about letting go, and deciding what to hold on to.
And for everything we loose, we always regain something in return.
That's a comforting fact. That and 5 years from now, I'll look back on all of this and have myself a good laugh.
Heck, I'm already finding it amusing.

But anyway, situations do not kill, and life does go on: Let's be Thankful for the world's continual turning, if nothing else.
Cool beans. Now let's all chill.

Man, I am really craving pizza rolls right now. Has anyone tried them cold? They're really good cold. Trust me on this. They last longer too, as opposed to just popping them in your mouth. Don't just take my word for it, try it.
3:16 am
Forget Regret, or Life is Yours to Miss
Great friggin' quote...and it made me think...
Honestly, everyday should be a rebirth...now hear me out on this one.
Let's say someone offended you or visa versa...why can't we just blink and have a brand new slate?
You see, in my situation(more then one) there are some people who I've not contacted in awhile. Why? Simple. Fear. Fear of rejection, fear of my outstretched hand being denied...but then again everyone feels this fear. Therefore, it's up to the strongest individual to bravely take a step forward, palm open, arms wide.
This life is too short for any hate, dislike, or awkwardness. Let's discard that baggage shall we?

BTW: I would have invited you, but I thought you had plans with Greg...that's what I picked up from his away message...then again he could have just wanted to go with his girl...sorry that those wires were crossed. Then again I could be misinterpreting your latest post, inwhich I'll thank you NOT to correct me. Outstretched hand and all that jazz...

And now I shall wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving.
And a happy birthday to one who may not want my wish.
But I'm strong enough to receive a few rejections here and there, and am prepared.

Also, I'm in the mood for questions: So ask me up to three, and I'll answer them honestly. Hey, and make them interesting too while your at it. None of this "what's your favorite color" polite BS. Let's have some pazzazz shall we? Yeah, make my Thanksgiving interesting folks.
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